Save em from the dark!!!

Heal the world.. There was a time when everyone chanted this song..some of my friends actually was seen crying when they saw the song for the first time..and we all agreed to Michael Jackson when he sang "heal the world ..make it a better place" but the song was long forgotten... and today there are people who just want to fill it with pain..

This blog is at the moment inspired by Maldives: The Land of Gangbang written by Mr. Karma ..about the guys who raped a kid! I mean how low can the society bow to that you let these child molesters go free ..even though you have all the proof you need. What abt the girl? Do we ignore her pleas..do we treat her like the song that was long forgotten..? I feel like I am living under a society that makes humor out of a poor girls life..a child's cry for help..a family's pride? Maldivians are known to be peace loving people..Comeon, that is what we sell to the outside world!! Thats what I am proud about when I talk about Maldives to all my agents..but can i honestly say the same thing and walk with my head high now? I feel saddened by what kind of creatures some of us has turned into ...!!! And we just let these creaturs crawl into the society again and molest our children.

Whenever we talk about these issues ppl start blaming the system! They start pointing fingers at eachother and there have been several times when i thought "no matter how much the system does, these pathetic psychos will exist within us" Where there is good, there is also evil..but then again, do I blame those who point fingers at the system? When I hear that ppl who have commited murders or molested small kids are freely walking and breathing like us, among us..I question myself!

There was once this news that really caught my eyes about ths popular singer "gary glitter" who was caught in Vietnam for child pornography. After he was released after serving 3 years or sth in the Vietnam jail he was banned from entering into 19 countries - to name a few France, Thailand, Spain and now Uk had banned him from leaving the country...This is how these creatures needs to be treated..they shouldnt be allowed to live a normal life..they shouldnt live among us...Never!!!

May the change save us all - quoted by the ignorant goose-

I must admit ..me the ignorant goose is a little overwhelmed by Obama winning the presidency. Me who had not voted neither campaigned, who had shut her door whenever there s loud campaigning going along near our place. Well, i could defend myself and say I am an ignorant peace loving person :) ..I did at some point support Ibra but then he didnt really market himself did he? He didnt really made an effort like "successor" or the "defeated" did he? He just stood there and asked everyone to vote for him..he grew lazy in the end..,maybe more confident..i dont know! But his marketing sucks!! If I had to vote (if someone pulled a gun at me and asked me to put someone's name as a president) i would still vote for Ibra cos he looks genuinely concerned abt the country. But then, who am I to talk abt the country! I am the ignorant goose and proud of it... :)

And now everyone is raving abt changes! And I wonder.. 2008 have definitely been a year of change..to the Maldives and to the world! But would it come as a good change? Changes come in too many forms..some of them leave us disappointed, some of them makes our world a better palce and some of them shatters our world into neon pieces that couldnt be brought together! Change...a tricky business! A risk at all costs...!! And then again, life wouldnt be any exciting if there wasnt a bit of spices in it , if we ate garudhiya and baiy every day..right? So are you ready to leave garudiya and baiy and try out the fish and chips? hehe ..(yeah i am in a cheeky mood today:))

I was reading this interesting article abt Mayan civilisation and I came across something called "cusp of great cycle" which means that we are living today in the cusp of the Mayan end times, the end of a galactic day or time period spanning thousands of years. The Great Cycle of the Mayan Long Count calendar ends on December 12,2012. So has the Mayans already disovered the day the world will end!

The Mayans also say that by 2012

we will have gone beyond technology as we know it -we already did i guess! We just need to create flying cars or swimming cars
we will have gone beyond time and money - arent we losing money wth the economic recession? hmmm
we will have entered the fifth dimension after passing through the fourth dimension
Planet Earth and the Solar System will come into galactic synchronization with the rest of the Universe - this has actually been scientifically proved that the sun will align wth the planets
Our DNA will be "upgraded" (or reprogrammed) from the centre of our galaxy. (Hunab Ku) - upgraded haha! So are we going to get those super hero powers. I would like healing powers please!!!
Everybody on this planet is mutating. Some are more conscious of it than others. But everyone is doing it - this goes to those Darwin fans!So are we all going to evolve to something strange or perhaps have wings..are we going to be like erm mutants? God help us!!

As Mayans says This new era will be very positive. "Let all beings rise. Let not one or two stay behind I do wonder if the change that we smell now is going to be the beginning of this new postive era. Or is it going to be the end times for the human race, perhaps another lifetime - human race to go back to cave age, technology over coming us, sea level rise that would destruct many islands...isnt that mysterious that all these changes including the economic recession is hitting us one by one in a very fast pace. So do I pack my bags and wait for the change either to save me or destroy me!!!

To conclude my very loong and differnt article let me say "I love Barack Obama" hehe :)

..underneath my being is a road that disappeared!

i am back in reality now..to the little polluted box I live in! I am still in the verge of waking up from my dream and trapped in between my wild fantasy. I try to open my eyes and my mind, being stubborn and selfless is still in denial. This is not where I belong! I hear my mind scream and I let out a sympathetic sigh! My sweet innocent mind...my helpless heart...this is where life stops! Freedom ..such a sweet feeling! I felt like a bird up in the sky, with a direction of her own and now I am shot and lie trapped in the cage ..yeah the little polluted box I live in has once again caught me alive!

*sad sign and tap for help*

My polluted box is raving about the voting these days which I missed cos I was too consumed by my sense of freedom somewhere else! Evryone seems to have this ugly mark on their fingers which defined either victory or defeat for them. Everyone goes on and on about the change! Some of them celebrating in triumph and some of them shaking their heads in despise..and many of them (mostly those who voted for change) nervous and biting their nails cos they have no clue what the change is going to be. So the change...is it going to transform this place to "a city that never sleeps" with its neon lights and endless music shows or is it going to be what the promises were all about..a better tommorow! Me, I am just a spectator wondering of what the whole thing would turn into. We have never tasted the change ..and none of us really knows what to expect. For some reason the "victorious ruler to be" is surrounded by pathetic liars and I dont trust them. Take the movie star for an example..i had at some point had dinner with him and couple of my agents and all he went on and on about was the grudge he had with the "defeated ruler" and not about what the country needs. So in the end is this all abt a grudge or are they gonna bury the hatchet and move on! This could be the calm before the storm or the sunrise of a beautiful tommorow..we just need to wait and see..and me being the spectator, trapped in my little cage, waiting to fly away, watches the celebration in my own weird calm way.

*Silence*

I am color blind, coffee black and egg white!

With the drop of the vote slip into the box i thought the campaign spree was over..no more late night shows and shouting near my place..no more pickups driving along the roads shouting to the loud speaker or whatever they call it these days..no more...but as soon as the results are out, it all began like a storm waiting to crash into the streets of MAle'. And now where ever I go its maumoon vs anni...who did what? why we need a change? unity..bla bla bla...my ears are constantly tortured with politics urrgh..so as the ignorant person i am, i sit there, sipping my coffee and puffing out my menthol ciggies...and listen to people's justifications.

Welcome to the crazy land of puppets who are bent to the so called politics!! I have no clue how this is gonna end..and i dont care! Sweet ignorance is blisss!!

Couple of days back i saw this weird dream of me suffocating and freezing to death and after that, I wake up every night panting and sweaty..last night i started coughing in the sleep. I did google what my dream meant and it says that when i am in a relationship for too long it suffocates me ..sometimes, actually most of the times i tend to get really supertitious. I am not suffocating in my relationship with Navin..my life wont make sense without him.. but sometimes i do want to flyaway..as nelly futardo sings..i am like a bird ..i wanna fly away..i dont know where my soul is..i dont know where my home is..

I wait for a moment ..for the door to open and to fly away....and i know no matter how far i go the bird always comes back to where it belongs..

I saw this weird Indian movie called Heart, Friendship etc (translated) and in a crazy way it justifies a lot of mistakes i have made in the past..most of the puzzles in a way made sense..it made me realise that whatever mistakes i have made, it was nothing to do with betrayal or relationship..it was just the journey of seeking myself..and thats what mistakes are about..finding yourself. No matter how deep you fall you do rise from the ashes..and sometimes we do make the same mistakes not because we dont know the consequences ..just to feel the touch of air in your hair..the smell of freedom while you spread your arms and close your eyes...and although you hit hard with unhealed bruises all over your soul..the mistakes will remain like the kiss that lingers on your lips.

The true harvest of my life is intangible - a little star dust caught, a portion of the rainbow I have clutched

It was amazing to see her again ..Sharon..my savior to drag me out of the slump I was in 5 years back. After being humiliated and fired I was in need of a drop of confidence medicine. I have never been put in a place where I was stripped off my confidence and left naked..exposed to depression! Life, sometimes needs an electric shock to open your eyes and get out of the fairy tale you are brought up in and face reality. Sometimes you just needs to be pushed out of your comfort zone. Nothing in life is for free.. nothing in life is easy…you take chance and live by it..your life is sometimes defined by one single action..your life is sometimes like routine episodes of living the same day over and over again… LIFE???

Sharon almost jumped up on me when she saw me.. !! She looked the same. She introduced me to her boyfriend who seems much better the ones she used to date. We talked on and on until her boyfriend told her that they would miss the flight if she didn’t check in..so she hugged me and was gone..again! I still remember the day she left from the project I worked with her.. Actually it was more like I worked for her as she was my manager. We were more like friends than colleagues. After she left the project I was promoted to Project Manager and I was pushed into a world of 2000 construction South African and American guys whose every second word is “fXXX” ..but instead of breaking me it make me stronger..afterall, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger right?

When you work with people from other countries trying to inhale the experience within the small time they are here and take a piece of Maldives with them, you wonder if you would ever see them again. It was the same with Sharon … she loved Maldives..the water, the sun, the sea…by the time she resigned she was a bit of a Maldivian herself..

There are times when I think of all those people I met..where would they be? The little girl near my neighbourhood whom I went to school with, my bestfriend when I was 15 and lost contact with because her husband doesn’t want her to be friends with anyone..anymore, the teacher who taught me how to draw a “manavaru”, the boy who taught me how to play “boduberu” (I used to skip my speech practice for Dhivehi day and go to play boduberu), my vibrant room mate …where are all those people who was part of who I am now.. a part of my child hood…my life! I like to think of all those people as a color of the rainbow …as my life had been a colorful one…too colorful that sometimes it does blind me and force me to lose my direction..

Sharon has made me think again..maybe the world is too small now..you will end up seeing familiar faces everywhere you go..you just don’t make the people you meet a color of the rainbow..each person is a rainbow and it is not in the shape of a half moon ..its a spiral.. a spiral of rainbow that collides with you again and again..

I went back to the office..contended..one day I will meet all my rainbows!!

Its an ordinary world ..after all!!

There are too many times now ..when I wish on a normal, ordinary life..a family..a life!!!

The winds are blowing too fast now..i watch as my wishes are blown away..like the fire in the middle of a dark cavern. I would give up anything to keep the fire burning..to keep those wishes from blowing away..

There are too many times now.. when I wish to hold my baby in my arms. Apparently, as per the doctors who had done our checkup, we cannot have kids..and that hurts! Sometimes I just want to give all this up and have a perfect family..Navin, me our kids

I have this fantasy of kids running around the house, Navin playing with them, me reading them story books, humming the kids to bed, cooking for them..sounds so perfect..too perfect for my life.

Sometimes I do wonder how can a mom kill their kids, how can a mom give their kids up..why do they take kids for granted. Its the only thing that I crave for now..!

There is nothing more beautiful in this world than watching the babies sleep, or hearing them give this cute squeeky laughs..holdng your finger while they struggle to walk..there is nothing more fullfilling in this world than holding your own baby in your arms for the first time..or dozing off to sleep just watching them.

& there is not one single moment in my life now, when I dont crave for my own baby!

If you cant see bright side of life..polish the dull side!

As humans we always grasp the one thing thats out of our reach..a handful of sand..stars..the moon if we ever get to hold it...but once in a while you let loose of your crasp and see that beyond the need of consuming the world lies happiness. Did you ever stop and stared at the sun coloring the sky..every time it sets or comes out..the beautiful colors will remain even though its for a split second...And all we ever look at is beyond the colors to the fact that its gonna be dark in a moment...for once i stopped at the street and swallowed the colors ..and damn it felt like freedom..

Freedom..ahhh..such a beautiful feeling!

I looked at Navin as we waited for the rain to stop at Chaandhanee MAgu covered by a thin roof. We were supposed to be already singing HAppy birthday to my 8 year old niece at Salsa Cafe..I remembered the first time we kissed..it was under one of the huts in the artificial beach and it was ..well..raining! One year later we were planning to go out to celebrate our anniversary and it started raining. As crazy as we were, it didnt stop us from going out..in the rain..soaked up..we walked near the thoshigandu, hand in hand, went to fizzes and had ice cream..and even splashed water into each other..i sighed as reality hit me. Now we were grown ups and all the craziness had drained out as the clock started ticking. It just happened too fast that we get caught in this everyday race...sometimes we do see the future as our life begins to fit into this routine activities..yeah..i can see the future..i can feel the hands of time taking over our life..but not today!
I smiled as I stared at Navin and for a moment he looked confused..I dared the rain..took off my shoes and ran out and dared the naked sky..let the raindrops kiss my face and caress my body..and there it was .the sense of freedom sweeping into me...ahhh..such a beautiful feeling! Navin stared in disbelief for a second and joined me..he smiled at me and i am sure i saw a glitter in his eyes.. we might have grown up but still we did have some craziness left in us..the urge to enjoy every bit of time together..in the rain..in the sunshine..watching the colors...

hand in hand we walked towards Salsa Cafe'..with shoes in our hand and rain drops lifting our spirits..