Putting my arms around a prayer!!

Once again, I am inspired to write..about me..about my "transit" moment as I call it. I know its not just me going through all this and what inspired me to write this morning is one of those women who went through the same. I hope one day, someone in the same journey as I am would read this and get some light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, even a beam of light matters for now! It lifts me up..specially after the way I cheated on the eggs that lay faraway in some laboratory waiting for me to come back. Today was one of those days when I got tempted to take another pregnancy test which as usual was negative. And being the person, in the dream land, I even made my sisters wish me luck for something that as doctors said is "impossible". And here I am disappointed once again, at the whole situation..at the whole humor in all of this..

I guess I am just one of those millions who feels like a passenger in a train that keeps moving yet taking the same roads, seeing the same field, the same rivers and even the same little birds that chirps the most wonderful songs you can hear. But sometimes, you need to get off the train, go to a beach instead and feel the waves kissing your feet. Sometimes, you need to swim with the dolphins and hear the music of the sea..sometimes, you just need a different life, no matter how beautiful everything around you is. I am blessed I know with wonderful families both mine and Navins..great friend that helps me even if they dont know it..with their crazy and funny talks in our constant coffee sessions. And yet, I know my life would always feel empty. And then I wait, for the train to pass the same field and admire the same birds...

I remember those days when my life was too occupied to even think about the scenery around me. I miss those mornings when I would drink the coffee in one gulp and run off to catch the ferry, the fascination on others eyes when I put out the show, the deadlines and my love-hate relationship with the emails. I guess that was the moments i felt alive most. Is it better to ignore the scenery and create your own illusions as I did before or sit and explore every drop of color, every bit of wind, every sound that makes your world a reality, as I am doing now! Giving up my hectic life which was part of who I am today was never easy and was neither an option for me. It was something I had to do, for a better tomorrow for me and Navin.

There are many times now adays when I feel that my life could be a marriage to number of medications and broken dreams but then again I picture the glitter in Navin's eyes and the smile of a proud father when finally I get to tell him he is going to be a dad. Most of the times, thats what gets me going and the other times its just because I am too much of an optimist to give this all up!

So for all those people on the same train as me, you are not alone! This was the moment when I almost collapsed and decided to write and with each letter I am draining out the emotions that holds me back and breaks me down. I hope you find something to hold on to..a reason to fight for!! I hope this would inspire as one of those million woman had given me hope.

and the world awaits..!!

I woke up today inspired to write..something I havent done in a long time..so what do I write about..my life, my world or just the routine of the continuous raving I go on and on about every day. Being away from the rush and finally away from the busy lifestyle I have adapted to ahs made me well..slow down and forced me to look around me. Last night I explored the people near my place listening to someone filled with anger and disgust for whats going on around him. Despite my effort to drown his voices with the loud music from my ipod I cannot help but hear him for the 5 minutes I crossed the whole "gathering". People were just sitting there and listening. How can you listen to all those angry words thats creating such a negative vibe around you? And the previous night it was the same surrounding but had different type of people...there was music bands spreading their music around you and the whole place was packed with youngsters enjoying the beats and breathe the positivness around them. Same place, same time, different nights, different vibe. With all the running around and jumping on and off ferries I have indeed missed the whole transformation. For the last 5-6 years my job had required me to miss the whole scene and today as I chose to settle down I am caught between how much Male' has changed in these small time. Did the politics bring us to stand between anger and content? or has anger become some sort of necessity that you need to take in to live in the society? Do you need to be in a certain side to belong? Early days its just been trying to live your life and dealing with what life puts in front of you. You go to work, hang out with your friends, come home and be with your loved ones.. it was easy and slow. But then again, this is what my world has shown me and I might have "missed out" what had brought in whats going around in anyone else's world. I have been always called the ignorant one anyway..

So, here I am trying to absorb what everyone around me has adapted themselves to.