The Bubble Girl

Yes..I am her! The bubble girl..floating, flying, sliding, living in a bubble world..Yes I am her! The raindrop on a sunny day..the cloud next to the rainbow..the wave kissing the beach..I am her! Exploring the unknown world..but dont they say..the simplest things in life is the most extraordinary. And here I am and here she is..on a journey to discover the simple things in life.

Yes I am her! The bubble girl! Moving away from the fears..The bitternes..the strange feelings ..cos these feelings are like a firefly and I am too bright for it..And in the depth of its eyes..i saw her drowning!

Yes I am her! The bubble girl! Trying to be happy for no reason..trying to capture the world in my arms. Cos i feel that maybe right at this moment, the universe is on my side. And i just want to move along with it.

Yes I am her! The bubble girl! Swirling and dancing to the rhytm of life. Releasing the dreams..embracing the desires. Waiting for the miracle. Not following the "plan"..Breathing life into me..

Yes I am her! The bubble girl! Soaking in joy..And now that I have nothing to lose, I am finally free!

Just a moment...

And here I am again..on top of the mountain searching for a way to the field below..to taste the water from the lake..to breathe in the fresh air..I wrap my arms around me..the freezing cold is going to slowly take my life away. A moment..thats what I have..A moment with the cold, the mountain and the scenery beneath my feet..

Isnt our lives all about the moment. The journey we have never taken, the incomplete love, the regrets, the pain, the smiles..life, an endless whirlwind of emotions..constantly changing you, transforming you..

Dont you ever think that maybe we do have those wings that we always dreamt about. We just dont have a clue of the destination it will take us. We are as humans constantly flying from the mountain to the lake, to the stream where we stop by to take the forbidden bath and back to the mountain where we freeze and consume the angry cold wind. I have been here..too many times..to the top of the mountain..and it had looked so beautiful from a distance. What glitters indeed is not gold..

And then again..would I miss the cold when sunshines kisses my skin..would I find the sun to warm to survive, would I find the air to fresh to breathe..why do we keep on covering ourselves with the same blanket of comfortness. Do I have to leap before I know its too deep..where are the hidden wings when you need to fly away..

We do live in constant fear of losing what we have come to love..the shell that we are comfortable in crawling into..yes..we are independant, we are free yet each one of us crawl into our shells at time of darkness and despair. The shell that warms us up, gives that illusion that maybe this is where we belong. And we begin to live in that..ahhh..moment!! just a moment, thats all there is...

Mix it up until there are no Pedigrees

I kept staring at the ceiling ..black paints..and then my eyes shift to the wall..green!! And they matched perfectly fine! This is how its meant to be..mixing together..evolving together..loving together..regardless of which color you are!

Its a pity at times you are told that you are treated a certain way cos of what color you are or which country you are from. World can be cruel at times. World can be a can of bull shit mixed with their complicated issues that doesnt make sense. I can never be someone like Nelson Mandela who will fight for a stronger good. Call me a coward..call me an ignorant goose..and i wont be able to say anything back cos I know I could never have guts to fight back..

And today I am thrown in to the side where I am supposed to judge others because I am not their league. and i refuse to do so. I might not fight for you but I stand in this line where I refuse to look down on someone just because they are not part of this twisted society we live in.

And i salute you..for leaving your family to work for this place cos the so called country men find a certain job too low for themselves. I salute you the guy placing stones on the pavement so there wont be flooded roads like it used to be. I salute you the garbage man because now its not part of our daily routine work to go and throw away garbage like our parents used to do. I salute you the pool guy who carries the dirty towels and the cleaner who leaves my room spotless. I salute all of you who left their family.. who are the real fighters..who makes our daily life easy. I salute you all who are working for a better economy for my country although its your personal interests that keeps you here

And then we complain..why arent we in a certain position. Have you ever tried to work your way up? Go one step ahead..have you ever thought why you are where you are today?

And have you ever thought while we are trying so hard to blame others the world is moving on and we need to walk with the world. Have you ever looked around you ...the brands, the fashion, the growth..arent we still stuck in our own little fairy tale world..and we say we deserve this? Just think. Act.

Yes!! We are all here. and its time to work together. To think beyond colors and nationalities. Think. Act.

a kiss from my reality!!

A knock on my door "Let me in" you asked me

I ignore your request for I am a bird..flying through the clouds..spreading my wings and exploring the world..

A scratch on my door "Let me in" you plead

I ignore your craving for I am the rainbow..coloring the sky..kissing the world...making love to the wind..

A slight whisper through the door "Let me in" you growl

I ignore your anger for I am a fish..diving through the turquoise sea..dancing with the dolphins..racing through the sea

A touch on the doorknob and I shiver .."Let me in" you cry through the door

I cant ..i whisper back..for I am the rain..touching the ground...caressing the wind

And there you were..ignoring me..my excuses..flashing into my world...forcing me down from the sky..cutting my wings..taking away my colors...draggin me out of the water..

"Open your eyes"..you scream.."for I am your reality..I am your world..I am your destiny..hold my hand..lets go home"

And as i slowly wake up..there you were..my reality..looking into me..taking me away from illusion ..walking towards my world of happiness, pain..to a world away from the fantasy..and guess what..it aint that bad!!!!

To the top and back again...

Snakes and ladders ..isnt that life is all about? Climbing up the stairs and be gobbled by the snakes. At so many points in our lives we wonder if it was the snake that swallowed you or was it the ladder you climbed? And then you wonder again...if you are stuck in the middle of the ladder and just stayed there for a while.

Dont you think we have been misguided to either be a winner or a loser? Cant we just stop grading ourselves for a minute? The snakes, the ladders, the trophies, the thumbs up..arent these all a mere obstacle in the way of your happiness. As a child we have been graded at different levels..Levels? Another title to strive for...? This is not me, trying to win a treaty for human rights..This is me, trying to make sense of my mere feeling of stopping to split my life in different dimension of success. Trying to grab that one moment of content I am feeling

And as I denied to climb the ladder I felt content. Maybe I am in the middle of being gobbled by the snake..or finding my way down to where I started. Does my life have to be numbered in different levels..Do i need to climb to 100 to find bliss. Maybe I am happy at number 51..Maybe i am in the world of streams running down the mountains, daffodils and butterflies..for I am content where ever I am.

I see the ladder and a slight voice asking me to find the so called 'success'. Sometimes in life success is finding your own destiny. Finding a place away from chaos. Finding yourself! And as I stop grading my self and running the race of ladders and snakes..i feel content. Happiness is still a long way to go but atleast in this world of hopes, dreams and despair I have found content.

You know there is always something you need to know..what if I crossed the road, what if I played hard to get, what if I reached the end of the road, what if I moved on...but end of a long day when you retire to your bed. You ask yourself what if i just stopped and breathed. I am not moving on, I know! I am not even justifying why I denied the fact to move on or why I am disappointing everyone by not taking the leap..Sometimes you got to think beyond that..beyond the disappointments you create, beyond the success and failure..cos all you got end of the day is YOU. And all that should matter is after you have given all that you have got to others, you got to pick up every bit of those pieces left of you and build that place of content for yourself. And today as opportunity knocked on my door I picked up whatever was left of me and decided to flee from the world of ladders..the world of success..the world of titles. Today I am me...content..

There is a looong road ahead and Im deciding to stay!!

The world with no ceiling...

Are you unmanned by the dark or awed by the light that surrounds you? I know I am, everytime I take a ride with either of those. And at the times when hope does seem faint or the destination seems like an unrealistic dream I reach out for something or someone that can guide me back home. We all do!! It doesn’t mean we need to believe in a mighty good or if someone is looking down on us guiding us through..we just reach out because humans are dependant…on our needs, our dreams and more importantly our desire to survive.
I have so many times rebelled against those who have told me everything happens for a greater good. I don’t believe that. Things just happen ..maybe there is a reason for it to but there might not be any good or evil attached to it. If you really think about what you hear around you..about the homeless person who rushes into a garbage bag before dawn, a child left by the parents for selfish reasons, a parent abandoned by the kids, people killing their own to fulfill an unreasonable justification, a mom weeping for her dead child…if you really think, would you believe all this lead to a better tomorrow. I used to live in a neighbourhood who minded their own business, who respected eachother’s privacy and whenever we were in a bad situation you find the neighbours at your doorstep. Today, just steps before I enter my house I have seen crowds gathered in my neighbourhood fighting because they believed in a different policy or hear filthy music blasting from next door about some politician. Would I believe that politics knocked on this country’s door for a greater good. My neighbourhood has been split to different political parties and I have heard 13 year olds spilling blood for these reason. Should a 13 year old who is supposed to be enjoying the latest rock band collection or finding the latest playsstation games the most fascinating thing in the world , care about a political argument going on..And then we close our eyes and say everything happens for the best!! Ironic world!
I have painted happiness and misery in one picture too many times. And I write when I am inspired. Where there is darkness there is light..that is so true!! I am inspired by a movie of a homeless man with extraordinary talent , and unfortunately with a situation called schizophrenia who found a friend, who was saved by a friend. The movie tells you about how in a world of such selfishness has a greater power of kindness that can still save people. I believe each one of us has this kindness inside us..but it depends on how we put it into use. Just see around you..observe…breathe in once in a while..maybe you can unveil that kindness you have forgotten. Things doesn’t happen so that the greater good can enter your doorstep ..Things happen and its up to you on how you can bring that greater good to your doorstep and spread it around! Life doesn’t mean you have to win,,,Life means living and letting people around you live. Just for one day, forget the politics, forget whoever stole your watch or beat you in the race..and you might just make a deal with that greater good you are so fond of.

In a wide open space, I am standing..

Can you change the world?? Well, do you have what it takes to change the world..I guess we all come to this world with a piece of destiny in our hands and its up to us on how we want to use it. I have always been inspired by those who had gone against all odds to change what the world think of them or rather what the world think of itself. People like Coco Chanel and Nelson Mandela had been perfect examples of those who had written their own destiny..brought a revolution that changed the world. Sure, there is a script written for you somewhere up there but the mystery of it is what makes your life exciting and that’s what makes you the ‘boss’…You don’t take a train because you are meant to, you take the train because you want to.. & that’s the difference between those who want to change their life and those who think of changing their life. End of the day it all comes to a point where you ask yourself …’Are you passionate enough to do what you are doing? Or as Black Eyed Peas would put it ‘where is the LOVE?’’
Sometimes I do come to certain phases of life when I feel that I don’t have a choice but be stuck in the long train. But that doesn’t keep me from trying to get out of it or trying to sing along my way to make the journey pleasant. And most of the time I have done what I wanted rather that what I am meant to be. Some people call me a stupid risk taker... Am I stupid? Maybe..but I am also someone who seeks passion. Once the passion dies, you life becomes a meaningless routine tasks. I am sure the decisions I have made would not make sense to anyone who calculated it as a weather forecast..for sure, they would see it as heavy showers..or if I had done a SWOT analysis before I made these choices the Weakness and Threats would outlive the Strengths and Opportunities. Sometimes I have decided things for all wrong reasons such as to run away from something that depressed me. I mean look at me right now, no job, no money..and I have been through this road several times which is why I can say that what the weather forecast predicts is the heavy shower for the next few days and what it doesn’t tell you is the sunshine that follows…I am not hoping to win a lottery .. I am only trying to seek passion.
Sometimes things doesn’t work out the way you want or what you want to do is not what you are meant to do..Think about it, if you have a life of 70 years out of which you are able to live only 40 years the way you want to would you spend it on the routine tasks or seeking what you are passionate about. All those people who had made a difference in this world have gone through hell to reach their dreams. It’s not an easy thing to go against all the odds, rebel against those who give you perfect advice that is practical and take a leap when people call you stupid. And just say, half of the time it works and half of the time you are in the pit. And those who thinks I am stupid I would say ‘my friends, my life doesn’t limit itself to forecasts and opportunities or to the book of practicality..my life is about living, happiness and knowing that I have a choice..I can choose my destiny and my passion.’
I cannot compare myself to those who had changed the world.. I can get inspired by them…and they had succeeded when all the odds were against them..and who knows? Maybe one day I can win that date with destiny!!
Coco Chanel once said “How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.”

You are nothing but a picture on the wall!!

My success had always been believing in myself..i am like this person who would scream on top of my voice that "I believe I can fly" although I would feel my world going in circles if I tried flying. Thats me!! The believer!!

For the longest time of my life I believed my life was my work. From the time when I was eighteen I had worked to achieve what I wanted. My triumph had not been the awards I have won or the pat in the back when I have completed the "impossible" as my superior said. It was the day when I knew I could pay for my ALevel exams from the money I made by teaching. That was the day, when I believed that in life all you need to do is try. One of my closest friends had told me the day I quit my job that "nothing comes for free" and believe me I have learnt it the hard way at the age of eighteen. It was never free!!

I have fallen so many times and crawled to the top..holding on to my belief. I have tasted the days of glamour, shared my moments with the wonderful people and have experience a world full of glitter that i got lost in. Yes..work was my life until I found out it was only a picture that hung on the wall. And the most beautiful picture you can ever imagine as all these years I just stood there hypnotized by its glamour...just staring at the picture.

And when I took out the picture with my hands shaking and consumed with fear, instead of an empty wall I saw options..choices..opportunities..Saw my home, my bubble in a whole different perspective. I could easily color the wall, furnish it or break it. All these days I ignored the wall and just concentrated on the picture!!

And now I am sitting in front of the wall..watching it..planning..dreaming..and frustrated that all the choices, options depends on one piece of paper in the hand of the Bank. Frustrated that if the Bank decides to flash us with denial of the loan I might need to place the picture on the wall..How I wish I would never have to do that again? How I wish I get to color this wall..with our dreams. How I wish I could fly away and get our "condition" solved in a better place..How I wish..

My life is not limited to the picture anymore...My life is where my home is...where our hope for kids are..My life is at the moment waiting and wishing..

Show me a garden that will burst into life..and fascinate me!!

I am trying to cut free from my desires and what had been my identity for the longest time. And as I sipped my coffee last night, analysing every move I need to make, he made this one comment that described me perfectly. "You want the world to fascinate you". Its amazing how at times Navin could read my mind..its like he knows me more than I know myself..I sighed and answered "Yes!"

I have lived in my own wonderland for my whole life. I need my miracle people, my super heroes and even the damsel in distress to revolve around me. It doesnt define me as some one who neglect reality..I simply make reality my dreamland. How many times have we analysed people and asked ourselves is this going to me my ally or someone i need to keep my distance from me. I had always been fascinated by people I meet..I try to work out in my mind, this beautiful stories that would make them who they are. There were so many times when I would analyse my class mates on my first day and put myself in their shoes and act like them infront of them. I can easily be the serious one and the one that dazzles the place. Its the way I am..i can turn from a butterfly to a moth..or from the rainbow to the rain..

Well, mostly those whom I am fascinated with are those I cannot define..those of them who wear too many shoes or have these bricks built around them to hide themselves from the world..and no matter how hard I try I can never read through them. Maybe what fascinated me to Navin was the fact that I cannot read through him..every day is a mystery..a beautiful sketch I needed to paint. And I am fascinated by his patience, by the sense of security that he covers me in and the blissful calm that he breathes in. And last night as I walked in the moonlight with him i felt contended. My wonderland can still go on..my fascination can still live on..cos no matter how many mistakes I make or journeys I take..Navin will be my fascinating miracle person who would heal me everytime I bruise.