For I am my own mirror and my shield

It was as if the world has suddenly gone back to 12 years..like those movies where the flashbacks are so intense and clear that you think to yourself whether you have really time travelled and lived the same day all over again.

As I sat with this girl (lets call her Ms.J) at a small table in a corner in Bank of Maldives loan department, trying to find more information about study loans, the same sick feeling of disappointment crawled into my veins. I tried to explain to her that my purpose to coming to her wasn’t to apply for the loan but to grab more information or see the registry of the small land I owned in Male’ is applicable to mortgage for a loan. Ms J stared at me with her sleepy eyes that I am sure did close for 2 seconds while I was talking. And as she started repeating the same line over and over again, I felt like some kind of charity case. She didn’t feel the need to look at my registration papers or at any documents I had. I was very tempted to tell her that perhaps 50% of what the bank earned came from the ridiculous amount of interest the bank charged from the people so stop treating me like a beggar. I was also willing to mortgage my land, had the payment plan and proposal ready and was simply there to do my research before I applied. When I say I am disappointed in Ms. J I am not blaming the whole Bank of Maldives system – I am simply hoping that Ms. J will read this and realize that her way of talking to the customers is offensive and totally out of line. I looked around, confused, thinking whether this is the tone she was supposed to talk to me in and realized that everyone in the background was too absorbed in the football match that they would rather crowd up and talk about their red costumes rather than bother about their customers. I stood up and walked away ..

As I came out of the building, the flashbacks started to disappear slowly and as it did, its pointy fingers scratched my soul, tapped my long erased memories out and my hopes bursted into tiny bits of dusts . 12 years back I was selected for 3 scholarships. The government decided that they would take away the 2 scholarships and select me as a candidate from Maldives to compete for a scholarship with 10 other candidates from Commonwealth countries. I pleaded to the ministry that I don’t want to compete against international students and I would rather take one of the other scholarship that I was already selected for. But I had already become the bait and ofcourse I lost it to a Pakistan student. The humiliation kicked in when I found out that my mom had gone to meet the Min of Education back then and begged to give the scholarship back to me. But as the so called “system” goes, I was the “chosen” one that was put there to make the country proud... I also found out that one of the girls to whom one of the scholarship was given to is related to some of the “big boys”. I swore that I will never put my mom in a position where she would need to ask for any “favors” so I had never applied for a scholarship since then. After couple of years of fixing computers, I had also given up my career as an IT technician and applied for a job in a resort. And now from the place I am, things I have achieved, friends I have gained..I had made the right choice.

Nelson Mandela (my idol) says ““The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” and I shall rise again like the way I have rised too many times in my life. Thank god for internet I was able to get as many information as I can from their website. I could have easily gone from the back door and used all the contacts I have in the Bank of Maldives. But I wasn’t taught to use “favorism” as my tool for success. So here I go again..I close one door end of this year, in the hope that I would be able to make a way to the beautiful life we have dreamt. Studying is not my goal it’s simply just a hand that would help us to find our way to butterflies, rainbows and hopefully children.