Little You, Little Me, Little Boxes of Mine

This time life came to me as a breathe of air that consumed my world and lifted me to the sky only to find that I was this close to drown in the clouds. So as fast as it lifted me, I am very much trying to come down and wrap myself with the same sense of familiarity that comforted me. And in my short journey to the sky, I have met so many personalities that kind of transformed me for a while. But, I am what I am..by end of the day I always become what I am.

And as bad as it would sound I do put every person I meet in different boxes called “leagues”. There are people who are in the same box as I am and some of them so far away that I would not want to cross that path ever again. I feel comfortable with those, now who would not close themselves with one thought, and make you feel that yes things in this life does make sense. Paths you take are not as tangled as it seems. Its just a matter of looking at it from a different perspective. Your mind is as open as the world and yes sometimes its ok to live in an illusion as long as you don’t let it take over you.

I have met so many of those whose life is wrapped in their own belief that they go blind to whatever the world is about. But then again, the worst of them are when they believe in something but feel something else. If your belief is that strong why would you feel anything else apart from what your mind is designed to ..well..believe. These people also tell you something else although they act in such a different way that you cannot figure them out. Do they live in a lie created by themselves or do they create a wall around them that has written either deception or confusion around it. And by doing this, they don’t only neglect what life is about but also hurt so many people around them. Whats the use of a belief if you cant properly follow it. In a world that is so open and free, and is all about appreciating the beauty around you aren’t you “supposed” to live it and let live. Sometimes, I do get fascinated by this “league” of people and for a while I tried to fit myself in this box only to find myself more confused and longing to a bit of fresh air. The confusion in their eyes, the misery of them being stuck in a world that they perhaps thought they believe in and a belief that to some extend doesn’t make sense made me feel trapped. There are too many supposed to be, have to do and cannot do in their world. No, I could never be in that league although it fascinates me to what extend they can actually hold on to a lie they have created by themselves. I am so out of that league and yet again back in my own league of box and ready to move on..it took me a while but I am glad to be back!

And then there are those, who feels that the world revolves around them. I looked at them from a distance and felt their pain. They strive to fit in but disapprove of every thing that happens around them. If you do choose to live in a society you got to respect what the society is about. You cannot split the world to good and evil. There is no evil or good..there is the way of how you look at them. You cannot judge anyone unless you have lived their life. What makes a person is not only the family they are born to but also the pain they have suffered, the happiness they have consumed, the love that had fulfilled them or the injustice that had broken them. The lifestyle doesn’t choose you ..You choose them based on what your life has given you. And who has the right to tell you if you are on the right path or not, if you didn’t hold their hands and walked every single step with them. Living in a closed world of your own is the worst. No, you don’t need to live others lifestyle you just need to respect it!

The worst of all are the ones that looks down on every person around you, divides them into colors, countries, societies and still live among them. I have no words for these ones as I don’t think they deserve to be among such beautiful souls and should be locked in a place with their own “league”. Their mockery towards people just because they don’t share the same culture disgusts me.

And here I am, today wrapping all these up..and ready to make a move. It was indeed an adventure but as Alice In wonderland felt the need to leave the fantasy world and face reality, I feel the need to go back to where I will find my comfort. Don’t get me wrong..the fantasy world I lived in fascinated me and made me a better person. I could now see the world better. I am out of the glamour world I was once trapped in and ready to settle down. I am not on the move but yet I feel that there is a whole world, opening its arm to me and waiting for me. So adios lovely people..let me just live a little while in your world and I hope I had touched your hearts the way you all had touched mine.

It doesn’t matter any more to me what road I take..I am just ready for the thrill of what surprises I will meet on my way

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

My way of expressing fashion illustration

Life comes to you in different phases. You just need to welcome the flood and the rainbows. You need to create your passion and drive your imagination. My passion has been too many things over these years..it had built me, broke me and at times consoled me. Right now, I am obsessed with learning a new chapter of my passion for painting…”Fashion Illustration” try it out, it fascinating and all about creating your own style. And here they are..my paintings – my consolation through bad times, my way of letting my imagination run wild, my thrive to grow my passion and fascinate myself each day!!

The Bubble Girl

Yes..I am her! The bubble girl..floating, flying, sliding, living in a bubble world..Yes I am her! The raindrop on a sunny day..the cloud next to the rainbow..the wave kissing the beach..I am her! Exploring the unknown world..but dont they say..the simplest things in life is the most extraordinary. And here I am and here she is..on a journey to discover the simple things in life.

Yes I am her! The bubble girl! Moving away from the fears..The bitternes..the strange feelings ..cos these feelings are like a firefly and I am too bright for it..And in the depth of its eyes..i saw her drowning!

Yes I am her! The bubble girl! Trying to be happy for no reason..trying to capture the world in my arms. Cos i feel that maybe right at this moment, the universe is on my side. And i just want to move along with it.

Yes I am her! The bubble girl! Swirling and dancing to the rhytm of life. Releasing the dreams..embracing the desires. Waiting for the miracle. Not following the "plan"..Breathing life into me..

Yes I am her! The bubble girl! Soaking in joy..And now that I have nothing to lose, I am finally free!

Just a moment...

And here I am again..on top of the mountain searching for a way to the field below..to taste the water from the lake..to breathe in the fresh air..I wrap my arms around me..the freezing cold is going to slowly take my life away. A moment..thats what I have..A moment with the cold, the mountain and the scenery beneath my feet..

Isnt our lives all about the moment. The journey we have never taken, the incomplete love, the regrets, the pain, the smiles..life, an endless whirlwind of emotions..constantly changing you, transforming you..

Dont you ever think that maybe we do have those wings that we always dreamt about. We just dont have a clue of the destination it will take us. We are as humans constantly flying from the mountain to the lake, to the stream where we stop by to take the forbidden bath and back to the mountain where we freeze and consume the angry cold wind. I have been here..too many times..to the top of the mountain..and it had looked so beautiful from a distance. What glitters indeed is not gold..

And then again..would I miss the cold when sunshines kisses my skin..would I find the sun to warm to survive, would I find the air to fresh to breathe..why do we keep on covering ourselves with the same blanket of comfortness. Do I have to leap before I know its too deep..where are the hidden wings when you need to fly away..

We do live in constant fear of losing what we have come to love..the shell that we are comfortable in crawling into..yes..we are independant, we are free yet each one of us crawl into our shells at time of darkness and despair. The shell that warms us up, gives that illusion that maybe this is where we belong. And we begin to live in that..ahhh..moment!! just a moment, thats all there is...

Mix it up until there are no Pedigrees

I kept staring at the ceiling ..black paints..and then my eyes shift to the wall..green!! And they matched perfectly fine! This is how its meant to be..mixing together..evolving together..loving together..regardless of which color you are!

Its a pity at times you are told that you are treated a certain way cos of what color you are or which country you are from. World can be cruel at times. World can be a can of bull shit mixed with their complicated issues that doesnt make sense. I can never be someone like Nelson Mandela who will fight for a stronger good. Call me a coward..call me an ignorant goose..and i wont be able to say anything back cos I know I could never have guts to fight back..

And today I am thrown in to the side where I am supposed to judge others because I am not their league. and i refuse to do so. I might not fight for you but I stand in this line where I refuse to look down on someone just because they are not part of this twisted society we live in.

And i salute you..for leaving your family to work for this place cos the so called country men find a certain job too low for themselves. I salute you the guy placing stones on the pavement so there wont be flooded roads like it used to be. I salute you the garbage man because now its not part of our daily routine work to go and throw away garbage like our parents used to do. I salute you the pool guy who carries the dirty towels and the cleaner who leaves my room spotless. I salute all of you who left their family.. who are the real fighters..who makes our daily life easy. I salute you all who are working for a better economy for my country although its your personal interests that keeps you here

And then we complain..why arent we in a certain position. Have you ever tried to work your way up? Go one step ahead..have you ever thought why you are where you are today?

And have you ever thought while we are trying so hard to blame others the world is moving on and we need to walk with the world. Have you ever looked around you ...the brands, the fashion, the growth..arent we still stuck in our own little fairy tale world..and we say we deserve this? Just think. Act.

Yes!! We are all here. and its time to work together. To think beyond colors and nationalities. Think. Act.

a kiss from my reality!!

A knock on my door "Let me in" you asked me

I ignore your request for I am a bird..flying through the clouds..spreading my wings and exploring the world..

A scratch on my door "Let me in" you plead

I ignore your craving for I am the rainbow..coloring the sky..kissing the world...making love to the wind..

A slight whisper through the door "Let me in" you growl

I ignore your anger for I am a fish..diving through the turquoise sea..dancing with the dolphins..racing through the sea

A touch on the doorknob and I shiver .."Let me in" you cry through the door

I cant ..i whisper back..for I am the rain..touching the ground...caressing the wind

And there you were..ignoring me..my excuses..flashing into my world...forcing me down from the sky..cutting my wings..taking away my colors...draggin me out of the water..

"Open your eyes"..you scream.."for I am your reality..I am your world..I am your destiny..hold my hand..lets go home"

And as i slowly wake up..there you were..my reality..looking into me..taking me away from illusion ..walking towards my world of happiness, pain..to a world away from the fantasy..and guess what..it aint that bad!!!!

To the top and back again...

Snakes and ladders ..isnt that life is all about? Climbing up the stairs and be gobbled by the snakes. At so many points in our lives we wonder if it was the snake that swallowed you or was it the ladder you climbed? And then you wonder again...if you are stuck in the middle of the ladder and just stayed there for a while.

Dont you think we have been misguided to either be a winner or a loser? Cant we just stop grading ourselves for a minute? The snakes, the ladders, the trophies, the thumbs up..arent these all a mere obstacle in the way of your happiness. As a child we have been graded at different levels..Levels? Another title to strive for...? This is not me, trying to win a treaty for human rights..This is me, trying to make sense of my mere feeling of stopping to split my life in different dimension of success. Trying to grab that one moment of content I am feeling

And as I denied to climb the ladder I felt content. Maybe I am in the middle of being gobbled by the snake..or finding my way down to where I started. Does my life have to be numbered in different levels..Do i need to climb to 100 to find bliss. Maybe I am happy at number 51..Maybe i am in the world of streams running down the mountains, daffodils and butterflies..for I am content where ever I am.

I see the ladder and a slight voice asking me to find the so called 'success'. Sometimes in life success is finding your own destiny. Finding a place away from chaos. Finding yourself! And as I stop grading my self and running the race of ladders and snakes..i feel content. Happiness is still a long way to go but atleast in this world of hopes, dreams and despair I have found content.

You know there is always something you need to know..what if I crossed the road, what if I played hard to get, what if I reached the end of the road, what if I moved on...but end of a long day when you retire to your bed. You ask yourself what if i just stopped and breathed. I am not moving on, I know! I am not even justifying why I denied the fact to move on or why I am disappointing everyone by not taking the leap..Sometimes you got to think beyond that..beyond the disappointments you create, beyond the success and failure..cos all you got end of the day is YOU. And all that should matter is after you have given all that you have got to others, you got to pick up every bit of those pieces left of you and build that place of content for yourself. And today as opportunity knocked on my door I picked up whatever was left of me and decided to flee from the world of ladders..the world of success..the world of titles. Today I am me...content..

There is a looong road ahead and Im deciding to stay!!